The Truth Behind Pi

I have uncovered the awful truth behind the number Pi, which mathematicians claim is a mathematical constant whose value is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space. That is pure poppycock, designed to bring grief to generations of high school math students.

I now know that Pi (3.14159265....) is the multiplier used to determine the true cost and time that a home project will take. For example, you may plan for a weekend project to take 16 hours, or 8 hours both days over a weekend. Any home handyman knows, but won't admit that any project he begins will not finish as planned. So take that 16 hours and multiply it by 3.14159265..... Include all the decimal places. Yes, I know that's a transcendental, or never-ending number, but home projects are never-ending, aren't they? Pi is supposed to have something to do with it being the value of the ratio of a circle's area to the square of its radius, but that fallacy is based on the fact that home projects just keep going around in circles.

Therefore, your 16 hour project multiplied by Pi will actually take 50.265481.... hours. Much longer than a single weekend! A project you expect to take a week at 8 hours a day (going well into the night after working your regular job all day and commuting), will come to a realistic amount of 175.92918.... hours. The good news is that these figures include the 3 or 4 extra trips you make to Home Depot to pick up the things you forgot, plus the time standing around chatting with your buddies who came over to help.

Pi is also used in budgeting the cost of a project. Think your weekend project is going to cost $500? When multiplied by Pi, it's really $1,570.7963..... Oh yeah, keep adding those transcendental decimals! Home project costs are never-ending, aren't they?

Again, there's good news on the cost, too because you won't actually spend $1,570.7963..... of your imaginary credit card money on materials. This calculation figures in the beer consumed during the project, the gas wasted on those 3 or 4 extra trips to Home Depot, the Happy Meals purchased to keep the kids entertained while you ignore them, and the propane used for the steaks plus wear and tear on the George Foreman grill.

So, there you have it! The truth behind Pi!