When Stacey and I first got engaged and begin
planning our wedding, we both felt we really wanted our wedding and reception
to reflect us, and not be so much about fancy decorations or money spent on things
that didn’t really matter to us. We did not want to worry about what was
supposed to be traditional. We wanted a very personalized wedding and
reception. We both had a lot of friends and family who had said they would like to
be at our wedding, so we wanted to be able to accommodate as many as possible.
We had both been married before and each had
around 90 people at our first weddings. Originally, we thought we would have
about the same number of people. We knew it would not be a church wedding, and
we did not feel the need to have it at a golf resort or club with a restaurant.
We wanted to be able to control what we were spending money on. Since I am a
wedding officiant, I often get invited to stay for the reception at the
weddings I officiate. Once Stacey and I became a couple, she often tagged along
with me to watch. So both of us had the opportunity to see a lot of variety in
how wedding ceremonies were performed and how receptions were handled.
First we needed to pick a date. We wanted it to be
in the spring of 2019 and we wanted to go on a cruise for our honeymoon. We
decided which cruise line to go on and when. Once we had that booked we picked
the Saturday before the cruise for our wedding date. Then we decided what
we wanted for our wedding and reception venue. One thing that was important to
me was to separate the loud music from a conversation area. Since I am hard of
hearing and I wear hearing aids, that is a very sensitive issue for me. I am
usually unable to hold a conversation in a room with loud music playing. We
also noticed that at some receptions and parties, when the DJ or band starts
playing, there's a certain group of people that get up and leave. We wanted
those people to be able to stay and have a conversation without loud music.
One of the weddings that I officiated at was
Braddocks Bay Park, which has a lodge with rooms that can either be rented
together or rented separately. There is a common area between them that can be
used as a reception area and it's where the restrooms are. We decided to rent
the entire facility. We designated the larger room to be the main room for
dinner and the smaller room to be where we would hold our wedding ceremony and
later the music would be set up. All together, the two rooms could accommodate
160 people seated at tables. The larger room by itself would hold about 96
people at tables and the smaller room would hold 64 people. Initially, we both
believed that the larger room would be enough for all the people at the
reception for dining. We have a large group of friends who like to dance, and
we figured having a room dedicated just for music and dancing would work out
perfectly. The original plan was that I was going to set up my laptop computer
and run a playlist through a PA system. We believed that this facility would
work out very well for us, so we went ahead and booked it.
After that, we began drawing up a list of people
to invite, including family, friends, and other relatives. After we put
together this list, we came to the realization that we were inviting a lot more
people than we originally thought. I started looking at some other venues that
might hold a larger number of people, but they either were already booked or
way outside the budget that we wanted to spend at a venue. So we decided that
we would make the Braddocks Bay Lodge work. We were able to trim down the list,
but we still had a lot of people that we both wanted to invite. After all was
said and done we trimmed the list down to the people we realistically expected to
attend.
We changed the function of the small room bit. We
would still have the ceremony in the small room, and after chairs were cleared
away we would still have the music in that room. But we would also put tables
in there for dinner. It would require
some help with moving chairs out and tables in after the ceremony, and then
moving some tables out again after dinner for dancing. We talked with relatives
about this plan and most agreed that it would work, so we went ahead with it.
One of Stacey's relatives had a lot of catering
experience. Out of the blue, she offered
to cater our wedding at a very good price for us. She told us her ideas for the
dinner and asked us our opinions about some items, so we graciously accepted her offer.
Another close relative offered to take care of the bar area, so we graciously
accepted that offer. We very much appreciate all of the hard work that was put into the catering and the drinks.
The date we chose for the wedding was one week
before Easter, so Stacey decided she wanted an Easter theme.
Her idea was to create Easter baskets to use as centerpieces for each of the
tables. We went to a local Goodwill store and she picked out a lot of Easter
items. She ordered plastic Easter Eggs online to hold candy as favors. The
plastic eggs were two colors: One set
was purple, which is Stacey's favorite color, and the other set was blue, which
is my favorite color. We put regular M&M's in the purple eggs because they
are Stacy's favorite M&Ms, and we put peanut M&M's in the blue eggs
because they are my favorite M&Ms. Those eggs were placed in Easter
baskets and on tables. We had a lot of Easter items in the baskets. We gave
some of them away after the reception.
We set up a memory table with pictures of our
families, past and present, including my parents and Stacey's father who had
all passed away. We had photos of us displayed on poster boards. We set up another table for cards & gifts. I
have noticed at wedding receptions that the box for cards is often too small. So I picked out a fairly large box and cut a large slot in it for
cards to be put into. I printed out a bunch of pictures of Stacey and me,
covered the box with those pictures, and wrapped clear plastic packaging tape
around it. It was pretty sturdy and held a lot of cards. Those tables were to
be set up in the lobby between the two rooms. We also decided that we were
going to put the buffet table in the lobby. We decided that the bar would be
set up at one end of the larger room, where there was a kitchen counter, stove,
and refrigerator. By setting up another
8-foot table in front of that, it created a very organized bar area. A small
table for the two of us to eat would be set up at the other end of that room.
We decided not to have assigned seating for
people to eat. We both felt that table assignments were unnecessary, as most
people are capable of figuring out who they want to sit with and where. I didn’t
have assigned seating at my first wedding and it worked out fine. We reserved a
few tables for the wedding party and our families.
I admit I was concerned about fitting 160 people
into the smaller room for the ceremony as it was designed to hold 64 people
when tables were set up. But I did previously officiate a wedding in that room
where everyone was standing up, except for a few people who needed to sit. In discussions with some of our relatives,
most felt that with the tables out of the room, some rows of chairs set up, and
standing room around the sides, it would work out fine. We expected the ceremony
to last about 20 minutes, which isn’t too long for people to stand. I have
officiated a lot of weddings where many people are standing up in the back,
on the sides, or everybody was standing up, so I was fine with that plan.
We took some time to figure out what we wanted
to use as a backdrop for the ceremony. We had done some traveling in Europe in
2018, so a friend suggested to Stacey that we use a picture from our trip as a backdrop. We both loved the idea. But I looked
into how much it would cost to have a picture blown up to 8 by 8 foot size we
decided it was too expensive. So then I looked into some photographers’
backgrounds, and those prices were very reasonable. Stacey wanted to have a picture of Big Ben from London as the backdrop. Stacey’s dad
was from England; Stacey was really missing her dad when we were in London so
she wanted a picture of Big Ben as a remembrance of her Dad at our wedding
ceremony. I found a beautiful photographers backdrop of Big Ben and the bridge
next to it and showed it to Stacey. She loved the picture so we ordered it. We both agreed that after the ceremony, we would find a place
to hang it in our house or garage.
For ceremony music, we asked close friends Gene Romano and Walt O’Brien,
who are guitar players and singers, if they would like to be a duo for our
wedding ceremony. They both agreed. We told them they could play whatever they
wanted before and after the ceremony, and we would just pick two songs to use
for the procession and the recession. We chose the Eagles song “Love Will Keep
Us Alive” to use as our procession. We
chose the Journey song “Faithfully” to use as our recession, which would go
right into our first dance together as a married couple
As I said earlier, I was planning to hook up my
laptop computer to a PA system to play music for the dancing portion of our
wedding reception. However I happened to get into a conversation with members
of the local rock band The Dean's List and found out that hiring them as a live
band for the reception was more affordable than I thought it would be. After some negotiation we hired them. To complete the music portions of our
wedding and reception, I asked members of the two marching bands that I am in
if they would like to play for the wedding. They were very generous about it. I
play in a brass marching band called Mark time Marchers and I also play in another
group called Excelsior Brigade Fife and Drum Corps. Mark Time Marchers would go
first, near the end of our dinner to play some brass music for a half hour,
including Moonlight Serenade for Stacey and me to dance to. Then Excelsior
Brigade would play for a half hour. I
would play my snare drum with both bands when able.
A lot of people jokingly asked me if I could
officiate my own wedding. Someone jokingly said that I could use a mirror. We
got good laughs with those lines. I wanted my sister to officiate my wedding
and she agreed to it. I wanted my other sister to be my Best Woman instead of
having a Best Man. Stacey's sister escorted her down the aisle, and she had two
best friends as her Matrons of Honor. I have a close friend who is also a
wedding officiant and I asked her to do one reading. Stacey's mother was very
ill, we knew that she would not be able to attend the wedding, so we asked
her close friend to represent her and do a second reading. She also read a personalized message from
Stacey's mother at the wedding. My three adult daughters said they wanted to
help set things up. My 2-year old granddaughter would be the
flower girl, riding in her little red wagon.
Everything came together. We arrived at 10:00 on the morning of April 13, 2019, to begin setting up. The wedding was scheduled to begin at 2:00.
At one of the weddings I officiated at, Stacey
for the first time saw the bride, the groom, and the photographer conduct a
first look and she loved the idea of us doing the same thing. So shortly after
1:00, photographer Daria Kapitonova, and videographer Brian Kirby picked a spot
for me to stand while Stacey approached from behind for the first look. I
immediately fell in love with the dress she was wearing. It was an inexpensive
white dress that I thought was perfect
for our wedding. She was very excited about it.
Gene Romano and Walt O'Brien began performing at 1:30. Guests began arriving shortly after that. As
guests were getting settled into the smaller where the where the ceremony was
to be held, we closed the doors to the larger room and used it as a staging
area and hideaway for the wedding party. As expected, the smaller one was
filling up fast, but it seemed to be working. We still had room to accommodate
a wheelchair. Once the ceremony began, I walked arm-in-arm with my two sisters,
then the two Matrons of Honor, then my daughter pulling the wagon with my
granddaughter, covered in flowers and with a bubble machine blowing bubbles.
Then Stacey and her sister came down the aisle.
After the introduction, readings, and a greeting
from Stacey's mother being read, we did a sand ceremony and a chocolate
ceremony. We read our personalized written vows and exchanged rings. Once declared married and the ceremony was
over, we went into our first dance. We
filed into the larger room where we set up a receiving line. We felt the
receiving line was important. With 160 people on our guest list, we knew it
might be impractical for us to be able to otherwise greet each and every one of
them, so we had an opportunity to see each guest in the receiving line.
While we were doing the receiving line, a group
of people pitched in and quickly reset the smaller party room with tables for
dinner. Thus, we were using both rooms for dinner, for a total of 160 guests. We went outside to have pictures taken. Gene and Walt continued playing
and we were told our dancing friends had a great time with them. Dinner was
scheduled for 4. Normally the bride, groom, and bridal party are served first
so we followed that protocol, but then I had requested that the people in the
smaller room be served next, because some of those tables would need to be
cleared away for the band Dean's List to set up. We had decided that the two
marching bands would play in the larger party room so that they would not get
in the way Dean's List setting up in the smaller room. Once Stacey and I and the bridal party were
done we cleared away those tables to make room for the two marching bands.
Mark Time Marchers started playing promptly at 5:00
while people were still eating. There
was room between the rows of tables for some people to dance. Stacey and I did
our dance to “Moonlight Serenade,” and I did a little bit of snare drumming with the band.
Then Excelsior Brigade played for a half hour; I played with them for the whole
set. At 6:00, The Dean's List was ready
to start playing in the small room. We kept the tables set up in the large room so guests who wanted to converse could do it away from the loud music.
We had some great relatives and friends who
really pitched in and helped to make all of this work. As a wedding officiant,
I am often concerned when couples tell me they are having a do-it-yourself wedding
at a lodge or something similar. It is definitely a stressful way to plan a
wedding, and I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't stressful for me. But with
a great group of friends and family, it all came together and we made it work.
A lot of people have told us it was the best wedding they have ever been to. It's very gratifying to hear that. We
made it fun for everybody. Most people said they had never been to a wedding
where a live duo and three live bands performed. We had quite a bit of dancing,
people really enjoyed themselves, and we still get a lot of good feedback about
the whole event. Stacey and I are very happy as a newlywed couple, and we look
forward to many years together.
